Another New Page... ?

Check out my other page... if you come by, make sure to leave a message. I'm still debating continuing to blog...

http://waugdai.wordpress.com/

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A new year, with new beginnings...

this is the beginning of a new journey...

a long awaited quest of sorts!

Alrighty, stop you begging and pleading - it's not be fitting you at all (J.)! I'm not sure what to write about really...

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Thoughts of late maybe? Which really entail a broad range of details and emotions. Passions maybe? Which entail of late music - playing and listening... Frustrations perhaps? No, that's just more mad rambling which I'm sure would only find me institutionalized for sure! haha. Daily doings? -snore, wha huh oh ya - ya no!

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I'm wrestling through a season of seperation at the moment and actually enjoying it somewhat. I have always known I'm not really the best for communicating well over long distance - geesh, even short distances. It's so easy to get fumbled up in day to day routines - Wake, eat, work, eat, sleep - repeat. haha. I am still true to my words: "Do what you love and love what you do!" as you will spend more time doing that then anything else in life. In fact I see that the majority of our lives are spent working. Which beckons me to do just that love what you do and do what you love.

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Days of recent have found me seeing that working really must allow for more then that with my time. I'm finding myself realizing that I've let go and allowed ample seperations occur with family and friends - the only true lifelines - work - well there will always be work to meet the ends needed. Of all people I should know to a fault how important relationships are. Yet, though I claim and esteem them with such high regard - I fall so very short of nurturing them. Silly girl - what are you doing and what will you do?

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So of late, I've found myself - even amongst all the tiredness, to push myself out of my hibernating state - to connect with those. Oh my how the list grows lengthy as I realize how many I've let slip through my days. So in part this post is not to post at all...rather to connect in one form with a begging, pleading friend who asks for words... haha.

My life grows fuller with each moment spent with those whom I let slide - yet wow - the work is tremendous - not the time together, but really the timetable adjusting and preparing to go out and treching through the snow...arg... I hate winter - small rant. Cold, blistering windy, icy, ewww... oh how I long for warm weather again!!

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It's been fun, and sad at the same time - as I realize how much I miss those so dear to me and allowed the daily routines of life to seperate us. It delights my heart deeply though that I carry such good friends - that time and distance never changes anything. Even though, much has changed - the hearts that connected didn't.

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Relationships are work - wowzers are they ever - but you chose your battles - you chose to fight for that which is worth fighting for - and relationships are - regardless of how awkward it feels at first to connect - it's so worth it in the end.

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I feel very privelged and like such a shmuck for letting so many grow so distant. I'm starting slow, working hard, to rebuild - retouch - reconnect - to do life a little closer then I have with my family and friends! We can't do this life alone and work seriously as great as it can be - just isn't enough for this gal!

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This is what I find myself passionate about of late... people!

(how's that J?) lya girl!

Beware: this is a rant...

I am far from a trend follower. I am not fashion incompetent, but nor am I a fashion guru. I love style, most often admiring those who really stand out or follow their own sense of creativity through fashion. I understand there are certain environments that lean toward a particular fashion of dress... (I can't say I'd wear jeans to a wedding, or sweats to a graduation.) There are unspoken rules on attire to certain functions and gatherings. Understand! Get it, got it.

However, I ask you this... What woman wants to wear heels? Tell me this... Answer me why must we wear these brutally awful things? And did a man create them?

Uncomfortable: Gawd these things are so uncomfortable! My toes hurt from being pushed by gravity to my toes, where they bunch up and rub with every step.

Purchasing: Not to mention that shopping for heels with a size 3 foot is the most annoying process in the world!! Try finding a pair that does have bows and a six inch wide square heel that looks like they're supporting children! Oh, but if you happen, just happen to find a pair of adults close to your size - finding the right combination of toe jams and insoles to make them fit, especially when you apparently have one foot just a tiny bit smaller then the other - is like going to the dentist (actually maybe worse). Okay, so now we have them on, somewhat fitting right - so we think - and we're off.

Walking in heels: oh my, please don't make me walk...can I just stand in one place and look pretty? Please? Every step is literally like walking on your toes... but if you happen to be a heavy heel walker like myself - well, heaven forbid - watch every step - cracks suck your feet and plant you immovable. Slippage - every four feet, the back of my smaller foot - the heel slides up and down, catching myself so as not to fall or lose the heel completely. Heaven forbid you might have to walk a bit faster or make a sudden move - just not feasable! Plus then there's walking on cement or concrete - why not just follow a trumpet player - announcing my presence or upcoming arrival!

Driving: okay, so my foot slips off the clutch every other push - I'm gonna destroy my transmission! So I move the seat closer thinking that will help - nope! Might as well just sit on the steering wheel! I'm short - and already close enough, but heaven forbid I was to ever get into an accident - I'm so close to the airbag I'd die instantly! Flippin' heels - so I take them off to drive - only having to put them on again to exit the car.

All day my feet beg me...

"PLEASE GIVE US OUR CHUCKS BACK!"

BUT: here's something else... why is it that being in heels makes you feel so sexy. Yep, as much as I absolutely hate the things, even with a pair of jeans on - I feel sexy. I feel like such a 'whoaman!' haha. Odd...and yet, as sad as it is for my baby feet - I will again forlough the chucks for heels at the next function (or interview). sigh... my feet defeated in it's battle for Chucks only. haha.

Reality is the consensus of what people think is right.

Some things are governed by common sense which is a matter of logic.

Society imposes on us a collective way of behaving...

...and people never stop to wonder why they should behave like that,

they just accept it.

Question:

Is wanting to be different a serious illness?

Answer:

It is if you force yourself to be the same as everyone else. It causes neuroses, psychoses, and paranoia. It's a distrotion of nature, it goes against God's lawas, for in all the world's woods and forests, He did not create a single leaf the sanme as another.

(italics: exerpt taken from Veronika Must Die)

(click the picture!)

"I'm going to do the things I wanna do, I don't have a thing to prove to you!"

My stringless thoughts...continued:

Wondering how cutting strings to anyone or anything would radically change the way in which we lived life! What if we really did stop to think about why and what we were doing. What if for a day we stopped to analyze everything we did - questioning why and who says so - attitudes/emotions/actions/habits/ - everything. What if we for a single day lived as though we were unconditionally loved and it didn't matter what we did or said - we'd still be rockstars in their eyes!

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Wondering what it would be like if we really did do more of what we wanna do - without the dreadful emotion of fear. If you could do anything and knew you wouldn't fail, what would you do? What if we changed the way we thought just for a day and walked with absolute confidence we could do anything in the world we set our hands upon or envisioned... What would you do?

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How different our lives would be if we took a moment to ponder 'perceptions' of ourselves, others and God. How different the world would be if we all thought less about ourselves and our weaknesses, and more about God and His truth!

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I continue to ponder this mumbled jumble of random thoughts (or questions)... I'm seeing lifechanging concepts here... ;-)

I'm challenged again with the topic of consumerism and consumption. I have always wanted to be a radicalist in some form; Ghandi, Mother Thereasa, Aung San Suu Kyi - my favorite famous radicalists - mainly because all three were passive aggressive in their methods! ;-) Anyways, back to C&C; I guess I find it personally hard as I struggle to not be a hypcrite - but am always finding myself to be teetering back and forth. I'm not a huge shopper by any means - in fact often try to avoid it at all costs...though there are times (mainly travelling). I'm not really an impulse buyer either - usually takes me three days just to buy a t-shirt. I tend to shop for the best deals and carry the motto "Why pay more when you can pay less?" Yet, my weaknesses are strong: I love technology (though often galaxies behind), I've just recently overcome the incessent need to have the latest new razor (don't ask - haha).

Consumption again: I'm almost tempted to change my blog's description to 'what are you going to do about your consumption?'. I'm challenged again by consumption... Undoubtedly, this has arisen from the recent 'yard work' I've been doing. Every other day, I turn the compost in my backyard - frustrated at it's size and annoyed that I have to crawl 'in' to churn it. Grrrr. The size of our yard and it's maintenance has kept the bin full if not at times overflowing of leaves, grass clippings, weeds, food, etc.

My roomie has an environmental sensitivity that forced me in the beginning to recycle - literally being scorned when she'd pick my recyable items out of the garbage in front of me. So we begun the five bin recycling zone: 1) cardboard & paper 2) plastics 3) tin 4) plastic bottles 5) the worms (for food). Though it felt like I was being forced in the beginning I can say now that it has actually become a choice now for me.

The more I recycle the more I see I consume so much crap! I'm finding myself becoming more conscious of what I purchase and how it's packaged. I'm starting to ask the question 'Do I really need this or just 'want' this. Attempting to consume less goes against every grain of our societal norm. We are pressured from every which direction to buy more, purchase the latest new gadget (which is my weakness - love technology), try the 'new and improved' _____.

Men and women like Ghandi, Mother Thereasa, and Aung San Suu Kyi (the more famouse radicalists), inspire me in their liberation of consumerism. They were neither drawn or influenced by it, they understood the simplicity in minimalism and the freedom it therein allows.

I've begun a new journey to aspire and attain that same simplicity of life. Perhaps not to their degree - haha. I'm starting slow (recycling and resuing where I can), attempting to purchase needs only and being consciencious of my ecological footprint.

I recently read an article on a couple from Toronto - whoa - now there is some racalists in Canada. Her blog is equally, if not more interesting. It's inspired me even more so to cut down, to begin living a more frugal lifestyle. Not only does this benefit you financially but it's a social conscious deal too - good for you & good for the earth.

Baby steps... I remember the first day I moved in with my roomie - her constant nagging drove me crazy! Now I'm the one taking the food scraps out to the compost and harrassing her not to purchase fruit in those plastic baggies...argg.. those thin things drive me insane. I'm starting to carry my bag stocked with a mug, plastic container and shopping bags in the trunk!! I suppose I'm starting to be a conscious consumer really... attempting at less consumption in the process.

I love the below exerpt taken from the book "I Shop therefore I Am". Hope it makes you stop and think a bit too...

- From conspicuous consumption to conscious consumption.

- From brand-consciousness to background-consciousness.

- From synthetic to organic.

- From mass-produced to hand-crafted.

- From global to local.

- From short-term to sustainable.

- From fashionable to durable.

- From valuing things to valuing insights.

- From fitting in/ standing out to being.

- From buying more to buying less.

- From doing more to doing less.

- From multi-tasking to down-shifting.

- From buying to sharing/ exchanging.

- From owning to experiencing.

- From having to giving.

Well here's an update blog of random happenings:

I'm about to wrap up a couple days off... yep, only a couple. Still we remain in staff shortage - though it appears we're not alone, as everywhere I look this seems to be the norm. I'm looking forward to going back to rest...haha... well, rest from the house/yard work.

The yard is coming along amazingly... with no small shortage of hardwork being put into it:

I re-seeded the front lawn, weeded and replanted what was supposed to be a flower garden (1/4 of our back yard!), and then I rototilled the garden, emptied the compost (and refilled it again).
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An amazing guy from saskpower came by to cut the trees out of the powerline. I must've caught him on a good day (Friday's are always good!) as he cut down more then the requirements and helped us cut back almost two whole trees. If you've ever seen our yard, you would know this was no small task!!

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I finished sanding and painting the infamous inherited ugly wooden picnic set and rebuilt the bench chairs! I'm not a fan of the color (redish brown - more red then brown), but they look a thousand times better!

I was able to convince my roomie to dump the junk that she always seems so inclined to hold onto! What a feat! She is even beginning to see a difference with it all gone!

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We were given some sod (for cheap) and we laid half the back yard around the firepit with new grass!!! Oh, it's slowly starting to look like a yard and not a forest. Little by little I work at this gigantic yard!!! Slowly... it's coming together. I'm very excited!!! We're going to do a little bit more (move the trampoline 1that is move the 1x17 foot trampoline, lay a bit more sod around it. That might be it for the backyard as we'll soon be having to start on the bathroom! Oh boy - a week without a toilet and shower is the anticipated time frame!

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I'm having an in-home trial visit with Betsy. Betsy is a 6yr. old white and tan Basset Hound! She came from a family whom needed to say good-bye due to an allergy. The family had three small children (so she's great with kids), but six years is a long time and this could be a difficult transition. So we're trying it out for a few nights while I'm off.

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I'm not sure yet... she's adorable - yes. However, as typical Basset Hounds are - she's a bit overweight. So running with her might just induce a heart attack? She apparently likes grass, as I'm looking over to watch her eat some...hmmm. Odd? Could save on gas for the mower though! Being six years old and another common trait of Basset's is they are very stubborn... already trying to get her to sit is difficult at times. So we'll see... If anything it's already shown me a few things I'd like to do in preparation for a dog: dog run, baby gate to keep her upstairs while away, and a thorough cleaning with some new organizing of areas in the house. So ya... she's staying for a few days anyways...haha.

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I'm also very happy to say that Himey is back (my beetle). She's been fixed and it's all resovled. After much conflict and consulting three different mechanics to ensure it's livelyhood! I missed her and it feels fabulous to have her home. Sigh.

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Soon I'll be preparing to go camping again... can not wait!! We're undecided as to where... we're trying out different locals in relative proximity to us. Which is very unusual for me, as I'm totally an all out Alberta camper!!!

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Alright, so maybe not the most interesting blog, just full of ramblings for now, as I'm not yet finished trying to process all the rest... soon hopefully some clarity will be given.

I have come by here all to frequently only to stare at this blank canvas. Recently inspired to share the randomness of my thoughts from a friends blog;

It continues to amaze me that the more we learn the less we know. Just when you think; "Okay, I've got a handle on this... I get it." Bang - something surely crosses your path and you're left with the realization again of how ignorant you are. Days are passing a little too slowly lately as I walk out this realization and again hunger for more education. Recent days have left me assaulted not only physically but mentally. Raped of all sense of assurance and almost all confidence.

I blame this present season on the arrival of summer. Spring sparks life within... a hunger for more... a stirring to seek out adventure... a sense of urgency to do before the fall quickly returns and I slip into hibernation for winter days.

I scan my 'bucket' list... (things I want to do before I kick the bucket) and grow overwhelmed with where to start. My to do list grows longer every waking moment... my frustration in time restraints continues and I attempt to rebel by hiding my watch in the back of my closet. Yet, within I grow deeply anxious... the desire to live grows stronger with each sunrise. The desire to experience more deepens with each sunset. The moon finds me contemplating the majesty around and pondering where I will find myself next.

I sit here tonight attempting to still myself and seek a deeper awareness of His leading and teaching. Floods of thoughts surrounding my occupation fill my mind recently as I walk out this journey of inner struggle. Struggling between the feelings of superior inadequacy and the notion of how to walk between grace and justice. Where does my role lie between the two... For most of my life I have always had this insane emotion and sensation to fight injustice... yet, how do you fight injustice and exemplify grace and forgiveness simutaneously?

...random bits for today...